Madonna - hard candy Format: Album Release Date: 28th Apr 2008 Label: Warner Bros. Records Rating: Let's go to the disco with Madonna, leave your brain with the doorman, put on your slingbacks, knock back a couple of Bacardi breezers and turn up the volume , we're all going to hell in a handcart , so you might as well let madonna drive. Ah, dear old Madge , despite being eligible for her bus pass she still likes a bit of cock , she also still likes a bit of a dance, but let's be frank , it's cock she likes best. Yes when most women her age are busy knitting cardigans for their grandchildren or perfecting the art of fluffy pastry making down at the local womens institute , our Madge would have you believe she's still on the pull every weekend at a club probably called fetish , liquid or poppers. I'm sorry but i'm of the opinion that anyone over the age of 30 should not be allowed to have sex , never mind sing about it with Justin Timberlake. Dressed in a not very discreet sleeve that screams 'middle aged slappers monthly' hard candy is not going to halt the fall of Western civilization, nor does it contain any great insights into the human condition , the lyrics won't worry Morrisey or Dylan and it certainly won't push the boundaries of contemporary music. .but we don't dig her for any of the above , you dig her for being ironic, for wearing a stupid pointy bra and for coincidentally producing some of the best no nonsense mindless pop music of the last 25 years .hard candy is lowest denominator, annoyingly infectious dance orientated pap of the highest order.Of the 12 tracks, 10 are uptempo toe tappers, you're all familiar i'm sure with the Justin Timberlake collaboration 4 minutes which is pretty representitive of the whole album ,.Timbaland deserves much of the credit for creating some superb musical backdrops for madges( mainly) inexpressive voice, best tracks are the not very subtle title track ,singalong revenge song 'she's not me' and best of all 'give it to me ', an electro skanking piece of joy that is destined to be a future madge classic. See you on Saturday down at poppers , i'll be the one dancing ironically. JOHN HAYLOCK

Written by: John Haylock